So, I guess it's entirely possible that I'm a bad person. I mean, I never tried to be a bad person per se, but i really did hurt my sister's feelings and I am really sorry.
After work today I had this long voice mail from LaShawn (my uncle/dad) about how upset Paula was. Apparently, she had stormed off to bed the night before after reading my blog and then had called out sick to work this morning. I did my best to get out of the house early so I wouldn't have to deal with her.
I have to pause to say this, LaShawn is a very patient man. Both of us were furious at one another to the point of avoiding each other and he had the care, though not really the time, to step in and find out what was bothering us and force us to make up.
Now when I say "make up" that doesn't mean it went smoothly. Paula and I got into a screaming match about who has things tougher and who cares more about who, but he waited it out. It very nearly came to blows, which it honestly wouldn't be the first time that Paula and I have gotten into a fist fight outside of the dojo. In the end, it became clear to me that Paula was angry because she felt like I was leaving her behind when she had felt like we were so close. I guess I should have been grateful for those feelings instead of being mad at her.
I just...okay, I'm going to go on a personal tangent here. My parents were killed during the war when I was ten years old. They were trying to help my uncle cross the border because he had gotten into some trouble with the militia. When they were trying to cross their car was hit by a rocket from the north and everyone died on impact. While they had been on the road, they took me to my Aunt Edana's house where I could stay until they got back. Of course, they never got back. Edana and her husband LaShawn have been like parents to me ever since then. They officially adopted me a month later. I couldn't have asked for any better than this family has given me.
The thing is this though, I don't feel like I've ever had anything of my own. Not a house, not a toy, not a thing. It all feels like it's on loan. I was excited about having this apartment because it meant that I would finally have a place that was just mine and that I was paying for with my own money from my own job. I think Paula gets that now.
I don't want to leave these people, especially not my sister. We may be cousins by birth, but I can't imagine being any closer to a person than I am to my sister now. Okay, before I start crying again, I'm going to wrap this up.
Love you Paulie!
Your sister, Zuri
